Sunday, December 7, 2014

Home Reno Part I, or, Totally my Fault

This post is for my friend Lana who was complaining at brunch this morning that I hadn't posted anything since May 2.  May 2!  

So, Lana, this will get very confusing for all of us but let's pretend we are time traveling so it seems fun not irritating. 

Here we go! (I like to say "Whee" as I read this sentence) I started this post about a year ago:
I started this post back in August, 2013:  (are you still with me?  I actually started this post twice, well, three times if you count today.)

Cue Angels singing:

It's done!  I have a bathroom with lights, warm tile floors, a toilet you can flush, a sink that spouts water, and a steam shower!  (Well, the steam shower still needs an electrician to finish it but it looks like a steam shower so that is pretty close.)

So what, you say?  I have all of those things, too, and we don't even have a plumber in our house so what's the big deal, you say? (You are probably also wondering how I can read your mind. Don't dwell on that bit.) This is the MacFuddle house, I say, for us this is success of the magnitude of world peace.

In February PHD said, "Hey, we can't start our next job until next week and the guys have nothing to this week. Do you want a steam shower in the basement bathroom?" Yes, yes, I do! Who doesn't want a steam shower? All good, right?  

Of course not. It is not all good. I must be new. PHD tricked me again.

This led to a backyard reno(Don't even get me started on that one - that will likely be a thirteen-part post sometime in the future), replacing all the windows, redoing the stucco and roof, and left the bathroom that we aren't renovating looking like this:

He thought while he was at it, he might as well move the toilet upstairs, take off the baseboards and cut a mouse house in the wall, just in case.  At one point in February I went from 1.5 bathrooms to no bathrooms. That was a dark day in MacFuddle house.  The only thing that saved his life was the hilarity that ensued when I discovered I could sit on the toilet and look down the hole at the guys working below. Very convenient if anyone downstairs has questions for you about their pay cheque or if you want to bean someone with a plunger. And I did want to bean a certain someone with a plunger. Hard.

I got this far on the post rejoicing my new bathroom before PHD went to have the first shower in said new beautiful bathroom and discovered the tile was installed incorrectly. The slope of the tile caused water to gush out all over the beautiful new bathroom. It is like a tsunami but only slightly less deadly. Well, less deadly for me and the children but possibly still deadly for PHD.

So the original project which I thought would take two weeks and I thought was finished after six months, is still not finished, ten months later.

So to kill time while I wait for the bathroom to be finished, I thought I would make a list of other things one can complete in 10 months:

1.One Spring, one Summer, one Fall, and part of a Winter.
2.Three hundred and four sleep and wake cycles or 608, if you nap once a day.
3.create a whole human being with time to spare.  Or, if you very efficient like my sister, create 2 whole human beings with time to spare.

This is the point where it may get confusing for you, Lana. This is also the point where I use your name to make sure you are still listening. I could never finish the post because THE BATHROOM STILL ISN'T FINISHED. (One year and 10 months now for those of you that like data.) The tile is repaired but there is still no steam shower and the new paint is chipping so needs to be repainted. I became obsessed with this post to the point where I couldn't write any more posts with this unfinished post hanging over my head. I think the post began to represent the bathroom. (I also think I am over using the word post but I am in a hurry to please my friend Lana.) One way to get around this profound case of writer's block would be to finish the bathroom. (I will check with a professional on that idea. Professional therapist, not plumber.) Anywho, instead, I have come up with a brilliant idea/simple solution/easier than finishing the bathroom way to get around this. I am making this post Part I of a multi-part series. When there has been progress made on the bathroom, I will write Part II. It may not be until 2017 but it doesn't matter. I am even using Roman Numerals. I think that makes it more important or fancy, or something. 

Big sigh of relief.  Now I just have to figure out how time travel works because that seems easier than actually finishing the bathroom.  

Are you sorry you asked about my blog, Lana?


Svjetlana Mestrovic said...

Well done Deb! You know the saying "Rome was not built in a day"...hence the steam shower /complicated/ interesting/ project :).

Mrs. MacFuddle said...

True, but Rome was a giant city with lots of bathrooms, I would think. I have never been. Want to go to Rome?

Svjetlana Mestrovic said...

Yes, let's go and check how do they do that (building) in Italy :)