Friday, May 2, 2014

My Neck Hurts Too, Unless Yours Doesn't

Last week I mentioned that my neck was sore.  Could be meningitis or could be that I slept weird.  Each equally likely, I'd say.  The words were barely out of my mouth when PHD says, "My neck is sore too."  He proceeded to go on and on about what the pain was like, where it was, what caused it, how miserable it was making him. I told him he was making that up so that he wouldn't have to listen to my my neck story.  This caused the neck complaining to increase exponentially until I ran away and hid in another room.

This made me wonder if PHD always starts talking about his ailments to avoid listening to mine. I don't think I am a huge complainer and I am rarely sick so I haven't noticed this oddity before. I began to mention random issues to see if I could elicit a response.  

Me: I am stuffed up.  I hope I am not getting a cold.
PHD:  Me too.  I am getting a cold.  I have a cough.  And one time I sneezed.

I told him I was getting suspicious of his ailments that were copying my ailments but always slightly worse and deserving of more sympathy than my ailments.  He disagreed but must have made the terrible decision to torture me further at that point. 

Me:  I had such a bad headache when I woke up, I threw up.
PHD:  Did someone get you pregnant?

I chose to walk away. Because I make good decisions.

PHD: (yelling after me) Don't you get the joke?  Did you hear what I said? That's funny.
Me: Of course I heard what you said, you are yelling.  The neighbors three houses down heard what you said. Stop talking I don't have time to hide a body right now.

I still couldn't just quit this stupid game. That night at supper I said, "I am so tired today.  I hope I am not getting the flu or the measles."
PHD says, "Me too, tired, mmurpsm."
I quickly say, "My stroke is worse than your stroke."

Then a beautiful thing happened.  My 13 year old son laughed out loud at my joke. Again, in case you missed the significance, he is a teenager and he laughed at his mother's joke.  

Boy 1:  "My stroke is worse than your stroke.  bahahaha."

Now anytime someone complains about something we just have to say, "My stroke is worse." and the complaining stops.  You should try it at your house. Unless someone has actually had a stroke.  Then you are being quite insensitive. 

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