I wouldn't lick that if I were you

Boy 2 came home with a bloody tongue a few days ago. Apparently he licked the monkey bars. The next day he told his cousin that there are magnets in your tongue. Why else would it stick to metal?

I don't think I will correct him. I hate when they lick stuff.

Label your belongings, please

My advice to my PHD is, don't leave a permanent Sharpie marker sticking out of your overall pockets, that's all.  What else is a kid to do??

It may be hard for PHD to keep up his tough guy image out on the job site with that label on his pants.  Might as well stick a "Baby on Board" sign on his work van.

Boy 2's constant need to express himself on my walls, clothing, belongings in general, did make me think about what he might be when he grows up.  I read somewhere (I could have made it up - sounds more authoritative if I say I read it.) that you should think about what you wanted to be when you were six and that is what you should be.  When you are six, you pick something you like to do, you don't care what others think and you have no idea that you have to earn a living at it.  Perfect time to find your passion!

I asked my nephews what they might be when they grow up.  My six year old nephew said he wants to be a tow truck driver and maybe a teacher.  We think maybe the tow truck thing will be a weekend/summer gig.  My seven year old nephew  wants to be a Biker. I am not sure what that is or how to earn money at it but it doesn't matter!  Boy 1 wants to be an engineer, probably a toy engineer, or an app designer. (The iPad was an investment in his future career, I guess!)  Boy 2 wants to be a principal so he can give the kids recess all day, or maybe a scientist.  I think he should see if there are any tester positions at Sharpie corporation, he already has a lot of data for them...

Things I Can't Explain

Here's one thing I can't explain:

Why would a person want to ride a bike in hockey shin pads and swimming trunks?

Why would jamming yourself in a box be so hilarious?

Why would you ever say this sentence, "Hey, look, it makes me cry but I can stick my finger right down my throat!" and then do it?

When I asked Boy 2 why he did this:

He said "Cuz I was hot."  I can't explain why a do it yourself haircut would be the first solution to cool a person down.

Why would you climb on a shelf at Dollarama to pee down your pant leg?  Not going to say which boy it was but in his defense, he was only 2 at the time.  I didn't have so much as a Kleenex on me at the time and they don't have public washrooms so all four of us ran away like we stole something.  Sorry to the employee that had to clean that up!

How I can I get stabbed in the foot with a butter knife at the dinner table without it leaving the boy's hand?

Where is the left arm to my office chair?  Everytime I stop typing to think for a minute, I lean to the left and almost fall off.

Why do I have these on my kitchen table?

I don't even want to know where the tenth one is. Boy 2 thinks the explanation is pretty obvious.  If you want to walk around without a shirt but still need mitts on, you can cut the fingers off and still peel an orange. Awesome.

Why would a grown man lick my fridge? SMac obviously has a giant tongue.  No wonder he can't close his mouth when he's chewing gum.

One more, I have spent the last two years wondering what my PHD said to Boy 1 to get these looks of disgust:  (even the dog looks irritated!)

Oh boy, this could go on for days!  This post may be part one of a series!!