Friday, July 12, 2013

11 Ways To Torture Your Brother

  1. Threaten to post the password to his ipod on Facebook or YouTube.
  2. Go with him to the bank to reset his pin. When he seems to be trying to hide his new pin say things like "there's a camera right there watching you put that number in" or "Nooo, I didn't see what you entered...except the last four digits."
  3. Touch his stuff. Any of it. While he is looking right at you.
  4. Tell him you touched his stuff. Even when you didn't.
  5. Tell him you will only leave him alone while he is talking to that girl at the park if he will give you $20.
  6. Wait until Mom is really mad at him for something that is probably your fault, then give her a big hug. Smile at your brother at the same time.
  7. Go in his room. When he says get out, step out. Then step back in. Repeat until he tries to punch you. Tell Mom, "He just punched me! For NO reason!" When she isn't looking, step back into his room.
  8. Change the channel whenever he is watching anything. Consistency is key to eliciting an unreasonable reaction that might get him in trouble with the parents. 
  9. Crack your knuckles, shoulders, toes, whatever will activate that startle reflex.
  10. Speaking of startle reflex, hide around corners and jump out at least once a day.
  11. Don't forget to breathe. As loud as you can without hyperventilating. If you can figure out a way to breathe on him without him being able to reach you, even better.
Learning to scamper up a pole away from him is probably not a bad idea

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You could also try wiggling your ears or flaring your nostrils....the creative options can be endless for torturing a sibling :)