In January, I tried to set up a nice little routine for Monday evenings. I go to a community association boot camp at the school then PHD brings the kids an hour later and the kids attend a Fit Kids class while we do yoga. I think it worked out that way twice since January. Usually PHD has some type of injury, somebody's sick or some type of disaster has taken place which prevents this little routine from working out.
Today's disaster began when I left for bootcamp understanding that PHD would bring the boys for Fit Kids at 7. Just before 7, I see Boy 1 stroll in with his ripstick. I see PHD casually stroll in, wave, look around then leave. By the time he was far enough away that he thought I couldn't see him, he started walking quicker. Here's a tip - if you are trying to be sneaky don't wear a yellow sweatshirt. I say to my neighbor, "Hmm, I bet PHD has lost Boy 2." It's like I have ESP or something. I go to the Fit Kids class and ask Boy 1 where his brother is. "I dunno, Dad can't find him." Dad can't find him. Seems like something you should tell your wife. I get a few more details from Boy 1. I think he is with his little buddy, let's call him Norm. I am not sure where Norm lives or his last name. Off to a great start. I hop in the car and drive home. PHD's truck is parked in the middle of the street and PHD is pacing up and down the street cursing. We are classy like that. He yelled the story at me, it made no sense. But, it seems Boy 2 was home since the last time PHD left because he left his blue bike on the step as a clue and his old red bike is missing. This is like a cartoon. Probably the Simpsons. Everytime the truck leaves and turns the corner, the kid on the bike returns. Kid leaves, truck returns. Maybe this will be hilarious some other day. Not today.
I send PHD down the street to start knocking on doors. I roll my window down and start yelling at people on the street, "If you see a kid in a red helmet, send him home!" I caught a canvasser, a jogger, another mother I know and a teenager that ran in his house and probably locked the door after talking to the crazy lady burning up and down the street, yelling out her window. After knocking on a few doors we figure out that Norm lives in the apartment building down the street. I tell PHD, "If we don't find him there, I am calling the police." For once he doesn't tell me I am overreacting. When we get to the apartment building we see a red bike on the step, and one of Boy 2's friends coming out of the building. I got his friend to lead me back into the building to the apartment where Boy 2 is playing. I note that Boy 2 has left his boots at the front door of the apartment building. It occurs to me that he has probably never been to an apartment so he thinks this is the front door. Very polite of him to take his boots off. Anyway, of course we find Boy 2 at Norm's house right where he thinks he is supposed to be. He says he told Dad where he was going.
After we were all back home and over the adrenaline rush, somewhat, my mom called and offered to take the kids for a few days over Easter. I tried to send PHD too. She kept changing the subject. I don't think she's taking him. I don't think he's safe here, either. But, then, as I type this I think maybe we just have a communication problem. I only said, "I'm leaving, see you there." I didn't ever explicitly say, "You are now responsible to keep track of the children" to PHD. Or maybe, "I am leaving 2 kids, please have 2 kids here when I return." I could have phoned during water break at bootcamp and said, "Quick head count, how many kids do you have there?"
So, probably all my fault. Either way, I am going to have wine now.